I guess what finally put me on the road to Slow-Carbing it was the fact that I had finally gotten my hands on the library’s copy of Tim Ferriss’ Four-Hour Body, and was looking at the “Chipotle method” he advocated for the non-cooking bachelor. I mean, number one, who doesn’t love Chipotle? But more importantly is number two: dude, I can make a taco salad myself that will rival any Tex-Mex bowl o’ goodies.

Thus, I present to you the Low-Carb Taco* Salad!

LOW-CARB TACO* SALAD

Ingredients:

• 1 lb ground beef (preferably organic, though shoestring budgets may dictate otherwise)
• 1 shallot, minced
• 3 cloves garlic, minced
• ground cumin, chili powder, salt and cayenne pepper (to taste; see our taco recipe for approximate amounts)
• romaine lettuce
• salsa (we used a combination of Herdez Salsa Verde and Salsa Casera, plus Texas-Texas Fresh Roma Roasted)
• white cheddar cheese, shredded
• sour cream or crème fraîche
• guacamole (1/2 an avocado, a sprinkle of salt and juice of 1/2 a lime all mashed together; keep it simple!)

Directions:

1. Salt and pepper your ground beef, then brown in a skillet over medium heat.
2. Drain off excess grease, if necessary (we used an 80/20 mixture, so there was quite a lot), return to pan, and add shallot, garlic, cumin and chili powder plus about 1 cup of water to create a sauce.
3. Simmer sauce down until water has mostly evaporated, about 10 to 15 minutes.
4. Arrange leaves of romaine lettuce in the bottom of your bowls. You can either use the leaves whole for a nice presentation or chop them up into bite-sized pieces for edible convenience.
5. Place ground beef on top of lettuce.
6. Sprinkle cheese on top of beef.
7. Add salsa, guacamole and sour cream on top as desired. We also tossed in a few pickled banana peppers for good measure.
8. Consume and enjoy!

* Tacos need not apply

LOW-CARB SUMMER PASTA

Ingredients:

• 1 lb. ground beef
• 1 eggplant
• 1 28-oz. can of Muir Glen crushed tomatoes
• 1 box of Dreamfields low-carb pasta (rotini, macaroni elbows or penne rigate all work nicely)
• at least 3 garlic cloves
• 1 shallot
• dried oregano (to taste)
• cayenne pepper (just a dash or two)

Directions:

1. Chop up your shallot and mince & mash your garlic up. Cut your eggplant into fairly bite-sized cubes (or weird shaped wedges of a similar size, if you’re like me). Have all of that ready to go while you start browning your ground beef in a decent-sized pan.
2. Put a pot of water on to boil for your pasta. The Dreamfields brand is lower in carbs than normal pasta because it has lots of extra fiber in it, but the side of the box is very insistent that you NOT overcook the stuff. If you do, you won’t get the low-carb benefits so, seriously, set a timer and don’t walk away. I believe most of them take 8 or 9 minutes to cook, at a rolling boil, but you may even want to take them out a bit earlier if you like your pasta al dente. Watch that pot!
3. Okay, now even if you’re using a fairly lean cut of ground beef, you’ll end up with a fair amount of oil in the bottom of your pan. This is great, because the eggplant is going to soak up all that delicious fat and taste even better than usual. (How is that possible when it’s already so delicious?!) So get the browned beef out of your pan with a slotted spoon, leaving all that tasty oil behind. Add in the eggplant, shallot and garlic and possibly even a little olive oil if it starts sticking to the bottom. Toss it around in the pan until the onions are starting to turn translucent, and add in your dried oregano, followed by your can of crushed tomatoes. Add your meat back in and bring that sauce to a slow boil. You can add in salt and pepper (or the above-mentioned cayenne pepper) to taste, at this point.
4. Once you’ve drained your pasta and the sauce is simmering, add the pasta directly to the pan. If there’s not enough room, never fear; just do it the other way around, pouring your sauce on top of the pasta and combining it all together.
5. Ladle that pasta out into bowls, hit it with a little Parmesan cheese (yes, we were ghetto and bought the Kraft kind in this photo; it’s Shoestring budget, baby!), and enjoy!

Does white wine really go with red sauced pasta & beef? My friend, in the heat of an Austin summer, you need not ask yourself these questions. It’s cold, it’s wine—just go with it.

P.S. If you’re one of those odd, meat-fearing vegetarian types, you can surely omit the beef and enjoy this veggie-style. I’d also add in some red, orange or yellow bell peppers to bump up the flavor, and if you’re of the “fake meat” persuasion, crumble in some of that faux meat tofu product to get a beef-like texture to your sauce.

That being said, chili is effin’ wicked in the summertime, too. As some Old Wives will tell ya, eating or drinking hot stuff actually cools you off. Dunno if I necessarily believe in this concept, but it sure is nice to stuff your gob with spicy deliciousness and then drink down a gallon or two of water. Pair it up with an ice-cold beer and some might even say you’ve got a little slice of heaven there, pardner.

As any good Texan knows, there are many different kinds of chili, not the least of which is “Texas style” chili—i.e. the no-bean variety that uses chuck roast rather than ground beef for the meat. Having done some time in Cincinnati, I’ve also come to appreciate the joys of a good Cincinnati chili, complete with cocoa powder and cinnamon, thin “gravy” style sauce, and fixin’s 2 (spaghetti + chili), 3 (add cheddar cheese), 4 (add diced onions or beans) or 5-ways (add diced onions and beans). And perhaps it’s the New Yorker buried deep down inside that says you’d better serve that chili on a Coney Island hot dog or it’s not worth bothering with.

As you can see, I love me some chili, in all its glorious incarnations.

The recipe I currently use, however, comes from Cook’s Illustrated and maximizes the spices combined to form this chili in the least amount of time possible, though it grows more tasty over time. I submit to you that this is actually The World’s Finest Chili recipe, in that it is infinitely customizable. Ingredients are kept basic, but fixin’s can range from a simple sprig of cilantro to the kitchen sink version of the dish, including everything from fresh tomatoes, diced avocado, sliced scallions, chopped red onion, sour cream, shredded cheese, up to extra shots of Tabasco or your preferred hot sauce. Yum!

Now, at this point in the game, I would typically type up a copy of the recipe for you to put to the test, but since it’s from Cook’s Illustrated and they absolutely deserve the credit from anyone who should find it here—not to mention the fact that I firmly believe that stealing someone’s intellectual property is the King of No-No’s and will earn you a one-way ticket to Bad Ju-Ju City—I must regretfully omit the specifics on this page.

However, if you want to check out the original recipe, which goes under the name “Beef Chili with Bacon and Black Beans,” I highly encourage you to sign up for a free trial membership at the Cook’s Illustrated website to get the straight dope right from the horse’s mouth. It’s a 14-day free trial of all the recipes on the site, and it’s really worth it if you like to cook. I realize this sounds like some kind of sneaky way for me to get you sign you up for the Cook’s Illustrated website with a concealed profit from said sign-up cha-ching!-ing somewhere for me, but I can assure you that this benefits me in no way. Heck, they don’t even have an affiliate program, which sucks cus, frankly, I would LOVE to be an affiliate of theirs!

Anyway, my point is that I admire the way they are all about maximizing the awesome factor of classic American recipes by making them tasty, foolproof, standardized and far less time consuming than their dusty, crusty ancestors. To be fair, yes, I am all about Cook’s Illustrated and America’s Test Kitchen, where their recipes are tasted, tested and released into the wild, but there’s absolutely nothing in it for me.

Unless, of course, you count delicious chili like this:

Cook's Illustrated Beef Chili with Bacon and Black Beans recipe burbling on the stove

Seriously, make some tonight and tell me you didn’t fall in love!

Oh, and here are the ingredients, in case you’d like to play detective on your own to figure out the golden copyrighted ratio:

• bacon
• onions (preferably red, but that’s my opinion, not theirs)
• red bell pepper
• garlic
• chili powder
• ground cumin
• ground coriander
• red pepper flakes
• dried oregano
• cayenne pepper
• ground beef
• black beans
• diced tomatoes
• tomato puree
• salt

It may not quite be elementary, Watson, but it’s darn close.

Old El Paso isn’t being particularly singled out here; it’s just one example among many. People seem to think that you need “taco seasoning,” purchased in a packet such as this one, in order to make great tacos.

This is a lie.

The way to great tacos, my friends, lies in combining just five important seasonings you probably already own. They are:

• chili powder
• cayenne pepper
• cumin
• oregano
• salt

You can also toss in some ground coriander seed, to bump up the corianderliciousness of your cilantro leaves (sprinkled over the top of the finished dish), but it’s purely optional. If you’ve got chili powder, cayenne, cumin, oregano and salt, you’ve got it made in the shade. Enough with the pre-packaged “taco seasoning”! Free your kitchen of this sodium-laden packet of injustice, and marinate your meat in deliciousness.

DIRECTIONS:

1. Brown about a pound of ground beef (or pork, or chicken, or whatever) in a buttered skillet.
2. Chuck in your minced garlic (2 or 3 good sized cloves) and chopped red onion or shallot.
3. Add your spices, as mentioned above, plus about a cup of water to create the “sauce.” My spice ratio is about a teaspoon to a tablespoon each of the coriander seed, oregano and cayenne pepper, plus about 1/8 of a cup of both cumin and chili powder; adjust these as you please for heat and general taste, adding more if you like it more savory. Simmer down your sauce, stirring occasionally, until most of the water has evaporated—about 10 minutes or so.
4. Spread on your favorite tortilla, garnish as desired, and enjoy. Suggested garnishes include: lettuce, tomato, white cheddar cheese, cilantro, guacamole, salsa (I enjoy both red Salsa Casera and green Salsa Verde from Herdez), pickled banana pepper rings (I’ve been using some from Mt. Olive), and Celebrity Intern’s favorite, La Vaquita’s Crema Salvadoreña, a kind of El Salvadorean crème fraiche.

That’s it, that’s all. No fuss, no muss. Just great tacos. You’re welcome.

Also, if you’re looking for a great recipe for breakfast tacos, my fellow blogger Shim’s got you covered, over at Diet-of-Insects. (And no edible insects, I promise.)