For all the patriots out there, it’s Flag Day. Seeing as this isn’t technically a real holiday, it’s not entirely clear what our founding fathers would have wanted us to do on Flag Day. For that matter, our founding fathers weren’t actually the ones who invented today’s fake holiday; it was, indeed, our founding MOTHER, Ms. Betsy Ross, who invented the United States of America’s flag. Apparently Betsy was such a whiz with the scissors that she could “cut a five-pointed star in a single snip.” Take that, George Washington, and your nonconformist 6-pointed stars!
Okay, but seriously… wtf are we proud citizens supposed to do on Flag Day, aside from (obviously) hanging out Ol’ Glory with all due reverence? (As some commenters on this pseudo holiday have noted, “EVERY day is Flag Day at my house! Unless, of course, it’s raining.” Darn tootin’!) According to this website, Flag Day was invented by some teacher who, in a sudden burst of genius mediocrity, decided to force his students to write essays about “the flag and its significance.”
This, as they say in Soviet Russia, does not make for mindful comrades, eager to till the soil for the greater good. So let’s take a stab at a few more interesting exercises in propaganda, shall we?
- Bake a patriotic cake! Put those happy housewives to work on something the whole family can enjoy: a red, white and blue cake. You can make a sheet cake, a cheesecake, an Obama cake (and yes, there’s an ENTIRE WEBSITE devoted to Obama cakes), or a Jello cake that’s non-ironically called the Patriotic Poke Cake (YES, you SHOULD click that link). We don’t really care which cake you bake, by god, so long as it tastes like freedom.
Definitely not a regulation flag in cake form. That's supposed to be 13 stripes and 50 stars, missy!
- Apparently, up in Dallas some couple named Tom and Dianna host a yearly Flag Day Party. This tradition is so entrenched that they’ve even got a website dedicated to the event! Seems like they may not have a 2011 party planned, since the last invite was for 2010, but their address (2917 Dyer Street) is advertised prominently, as is this map. Road trip, anyone? (FYI, I found this website by Googling “flag day party,” and have no idea who these people are, nor why they take their individual liberties so lightly that they’re advertising their home address and phone number to every weirdo on the World Wide Web. Please, Hammer, don’t hurt ‘em.)
- Okay, let’s be logical: how do Americans celebrate all of our OTHER major American flag-waving holidays? That’s right, by BBQing the tarnation out of dead animals! You know it’s a real event when there’s grilling involved, so bust out the Hibachi, get some meat up on skewers, and kebab the heck out of the place. Or go traditional with burgers, and for the love of Abraham Lincoln, don’t burn ‘em! Read up on your technique with this Coffee-Rubbed Cheeseburgers with Texas Barbecue Sauce recipe from Bon Appétit (via Epicurious) to make it truly Texan.
Coffee Rubbed Cheeseburger with Texas BBQ Sauce? Yes, please! (photo by Elinor Carucci, via Epicurious)
What say you, Austin? Got any Flag Day traditions you’d like to wave around? We’d certainly like to hear ‘em, especially if they involve booze. Tweet us @shoestringATX, or get crazy in the Comments!
