Cooking a whole turkey is a pain in the bum, as you probably know from such horror stories as Thanksgiving, and possibly Christmas kitchen snafus. For Valentine’s Day, you don’t want to get all hung up in the kitchen, trying to make something delicious but screwing it up because it’s excessively complicated or time-consuming.
So definitely don’t make a whole turkey, because who the heck is going to eat it all anyway? You and your 6 girlfriends? C’mon, guy, be a romantic for once. Invite only your best girl, and cook her something impressive.
Cook her a sweet-ass roasted turkey breast, with garlic mashed potatoes.
“But wait,” you say, “Didn’t you just tell me NOT to cook a turkey?” I did. It’s not actually a contradiction, because cooking a turkey breast, is a freaking snap. Just ask my favorite minimalist, Mark Bittman, from whom I’ve learned everything I ever needed to know about cooking good food cheaply.
You’re probably not going to believe me when I say that it’s cheap, too, but it is. Celebrity Intern and I paid about $6 for a nice, meaty turkey breast at the H-E-B, and it easily serves 2 hungry people, with even enough leftover to make your sweetie a sandwich the next day.
Okay, you’re salivating, right? You’re sold! So how do you cook the damn thing? Simple.
- Heat your oven to 450 F.
- Bust out your roasting pan (or if you’re a broke-ass like me, craft a little “tray” for the turkey out of tinfoil, and put the tinfoil tray on top of a baking sheet), put the turkey breast in it, and brush it with olive oil.
- Season the turkey with salt and pepper, and maybe a little thyme if you’re feeling wild and crazy.
- Stick it in the oven for between 30 and 45 minutes. Bittman says to baste it every 15 minutes, but I find this step unnecessary; the olive oil will lock all the delicious juices in, so just take it out when your thermometer reads between 155 and 165 F.
- Let the breast rest for 5 or 10 minutes, then carve that sucker up and EAT!
Did I say it was easy? It’s crazy easy, really. And if we’re about anything, especially on romantical “holidays,” it’s BEING EASY. (*rimshot*)
Okay, cool, but plain old turkey isn’t a meal. Spruce this thing up and make it look respectable with some tried and true mashed potatoes. But let’s get funky on this biz and make them über-tasty GARLIC mashed potatoes instead, shall we?
To get down:
- Stick your potatoes (preferably red ones or nice Yukon Golds) into a pot of water, so that they’re covered. Toss in a couple of cloves of garlic, whole, for good measure. Bring ‘em all to a boil. Yes, you should leave the skins on. They taste better this way, so quit whining.
- Boil your potatoes until you can stick a knife or fork in without any trouble. Timing here depends on the size of your taters, so anywhere from 30 minutes to an hour may be required (i.e. start these at the same time you’re starting your turkey).
- Once boiled, drain out the water and add in 1/2 stick of butter, 1 c. milk or cream and a few (3 or 4) cloves of minced garlic. Get mashin’! (Bittman notes that here you can be a wild and crazy Frenchman like Joël Robuchon and add 2 sticks of butter, along with your 1 cup of cream, which I heartily endorse if you are so equipped; butter, as we all know, is the grease of love.)
- LET’S EAT!
Put it all together with a bit of gravy (yes, I bought mine at the store; it’s Heinz Homestyle Roasted Turkey Gravy, and I won’t tell if you won’t), et voila!
So…. succulent…
Yes, we are quite fancy with our white wine and books showing off in the background, aren’t we? Care to join us and make it a threesome? (Just kidding.) The white wine you want, for the record, is a nice Beringer Pinot Grigio for only $5 a bottle.
To make the whole thing utterly romantic and indulgent without breaking the bank on chocolates and feeling too bloated to do what you both came to do here (*hint-hint*), what would be the perfect end to this meal? Two mini Häagen-Dazs Single Serve Cups from the grocery store. At $1 a pop, you can get the delicious Dulce de Leche, Chocolate, Vanilla or Strawberry flavors quite reliably, and sometimes even the Coffee one as well. Bite-sized and affordably decadent; can I get a “Hell yeah!”?
TOTAL DAMAGE:
- Turkey breast, $6
- Garlic mashed potatoes, $2
- Gravy, $2
- Wine, $5
- Ice cream, $2
GRAND TOTAL FOR A ROMANTIC DINNER FOR 2 = $17
Where else are you going to get easy, inexpeez suggestions like these to score with your lady-friend on Heart-Day for less than twenty bucks? NOWHERE BUT HERE, BABY.
Dare to live cheaply and eat well, on Valentine’s Day and every day. Embrace your inner Minimalist!
