For those of you who perpetually procrastinate, today is TAX DAY. That probably means that the evil Tax Man is expecting an envelope full of your hard-earned cash so that the American government can go ahead and blow it on wars in nations we, The People, can’t even identify on a map, thanks to the funding they’ve been cutting from our schools.
Or, y’know, give it away to more of the Fat Cats that got that big ol’ bailout and wrecked our economy, thereby making us all poor. Awesome, right?
Yeah, and—in the words of Wayne Campbell—monkeys might fly out of my butt.
If you really want to get mad today (oh, wait, too late!), fire up your Internet and watch the movie Inside Job. Trust me, it’s oh-so-relevant. I won’t ruin it for you, except to say that WE’RE ALL EFFED. Thank you, Matt Damon, for bringing it to our attention with your smooth narration.
Once you’re all wound up on an anti-government jag, here are a few of ways to ease the sting:
Crash your Piper Dakota into the IRS and set your house on fireFold your tax return into a paper plane to remind them how we do things here in Austin- Blow your refund check on booze
- Fight the powers that be at the Austin Reggae Festival ($12.50 advance tickets, $15 day-of) and/or the Texas Burlesque Festival ($25 tickets), featuring sex-positive post-porn performer extraordinaire, Annie Sprinkle
Interestingly, today is also both Leonardo da Vinci’s birthday AND the day that the first McDonald’s restaurant opened. In terms of innovation, I’d have to say I prefer da Vinci’s methods to those of Ray Kroc. But which of these fellows has had the greatest impact on our modern world? And whose path should we follow in the future?
It’s a brand new day, people. Don’t let the Tax Man get you down!
P.S. If you want to know where your tax dollars actually go, check out the new Federal Taxpayer Receipt at the White House website for a breakdown; you can input your actual dollar amounts, or see what the “average” taxpayer is contributing to everything from health care to national security.
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Tags: Annie Sprinkle, Austin Reggae Festival, bailouts, Fat Cats, Federal Taxpayer Receipt, first McDonald's opened today, Inside Job movie, Leonardo da Vinci, M.I.A., Matt Damon, paper airplanes, Paper Planes, Ray Kroc, Tax Day, Tax Man, Texas Burlesque Festival, Texas cuts $9.8 billion in funding to schools, Wayne Campbell, White House website
