Happy St. Patrick’s Day, people of Austin. (Or St. Phattie’s Day, as some have dubbed it.) Watch out for three things when you’re out and about this evening:
- Green vomit
- Festival hipsters
- Leprechaun pickpockets
Likely, you’ll see plenty of green vomit emanating from the festival hipsters, as they take it to the hoop on binge drinking for this very special non-holiday.
And as a PSA, remember this: Don’t kiss anyone just cus they’re Irish, cus who knows where STIs start? Oh yeah: KISSING DRUNK-ASS STRANGERS WITH OPEN SORES!
P.S. The traffic out there is terrible. I shouldn’t be hitting my brakes every 2 feet on the I-35, ever, but especially not at 8 PM on a Thursday. Screw you, SXSW.
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Tags: fake holidays, festival hipsters, green vomit, happy green shirt day, leprechaun pickpockets, St. Patrick's Day, St. Phattie's Day
